two men talking

When starting a relationship, most of the things that you notice first are the similarities that you both have together. Your common goals, your views of life, your likes and dislikes, your plans, your habits that you hate, and those things can blind you to the differences that you have, making you think you have found the perfect soulmate. Now everyone is not perfect, and it may be hard to see the differences at the beginning. There is also the possibility that your partner can change their features like finding new values and goals and show more differences than similarities. 

One common thing in all long term relationships is there is always a time to make serious and hard conversations, like times you feel like you can’t be like you have lost your voice, times when your partner looks like you are a dumb person, or a conversation that leads to anger and shouting and no results is brought up. How can you talk to your partner about serious topics like open relationships, sexuality, view on marriage, dropping a habit or addiction without getting out of control or hurting the ones you love and still keep the relationship stable?

There are 5 major steps to controlling a serious conversation. When practiced regularly it will be much easier to talk about it more often.

1. Control yourself first.

Maybe the thing you want to say is very serious and you don’t know how to say it and you feel it will be very hard for your partner to hear. Instead of talking on and on about what you think on the issue, think about how painful it will be for your partner to hear it. Show a place of empathy for your partner instead of trying to justify yourself in the situation, don’t play the blame game, take deep breaths, and don’t react unnecessarily letting your emotions get the best of you.

2. Use the right tone.

Sometimes the things we say don’t want we meant to say, make time to have to take the conversation, do this in a perfect time not when they are stressed out or busy. Start the conversation nicely. Start by stating how important the relationship is and that you want to talk about something that may affect the relationship. Then say what is in your mind and wait for a response from your partner. Keep calm and listen to what your partner is saying. 

3. Say the truth. 

Make sure that your mind is clear, and after everything look for things to solve the issue. Tell them how much you still love them and still want to be in the relationship and nothing will change the love between the two of you. 

4. Look for help.

If all things have been said and your partner becomes aggressive and angry, don’t be afraid to get help either from your mentor or call the helpline.