When Sophia asked me to guest post on Fiction Vixen for Christmas, I was surprised. I was pretty sure I had been permanently blacklisted from the last time I visited.
I’m sure many of you will be amazed to learn I am not a holiday inspired person. *gasp* I know right? Not to say I don’t decorate and put up a tree but the whole dragging out the glue gun and designing wreaths out of pine cones or making baby santas and reindeer out of tissue and gold glitter isn’t me. Frankly, Walmart does it better than I could ever accomplish.
See, I don’t have a crafty gene. I don’t even have a decorating gene, and I’m pretty sure my jolly gene is broke. I don’t see ornaments when I spy two sticks and a ball of twine. The thought of doing anything more complicated than making cookies from a tube of Pillsbury dough gives me the hives. When I head to the dollar store to buy wrapping paper and bows, I get confused by the choices. Prints, plaids, character paper? OMG-why do they make it so hard? And the Christmas card selections? Really? Do we need 1800 billion selections? Just how many ways can you say, “Merry Christmas?” Apparently, a lot. I’m seriously thinking of using Bluntcards.com for my Christams cards this year. I think this one says it best.
I’m not anti holiday but I find this time of year stressful. We spend 2 months of our lives trying to make one day the bestest day of the year. I find it incredibly tiring. The whole be nice to everyone drains me. Having to buy people presents who I really don’t like and never speak to during the year just pizzes me off. And don’t even get me started on retailers offering Halloween crap in August so they can start offering Christmas crap in September. I have a child and the sheer overwhelming Christmas toy commercials make me want to go hide in bed till January.
Now, my hubby is the opposite of me. He is is wayyyyyyyyyyyy more holiday involved. He actually LIKES Christmas music. He thinks wearing Santa hats in public is cute and fashionably acceptable. Christmas cards make him happy and Christmas cookies makes him squeeee. He strings up so many lights that he makes the National Lampoon’s Christmas look like an amateur attempt. If I would let him, below is what our house would look like every year.
He goes into Lowe’s or Walmart and it’s like he’s hypnotized by the selections. He lovingly caresses garland, gets teary eyed at gigantic blow up displays, and has even been asked to STOP pushing the buttons to make the musical ones keep playing. Lights mesmerize him and ornament selections can keep him entertained for hours. If it twinkles, spins, or lights up…he’s a sucker for it. Lucky for him (and our bank account) he has me to rein in his Christmas fantasies.
I know many are reading this and thinking, “Geesh Tori, you’re such a scrooge.” I’m not, really. I guess my points of contention are that;
1. People don’t HAVE to be crafty and such during the holidays. Some of us just want a tree, some store bought ornaments, and maybe a few blinking lights on the house. And that’s okay.
2. You shouldn’t have to take out a loan or spend all of the next year paying off Christmas.
So to all of you who are Christmas fanatics, I say, have at it. Go nuts. Me, I’m going to sit on my arse, wrap a few gifts in my plain red paper, send some e-cards, drink my heavily spiked cocoa, and hope like hell that my husband doesn’t blow the neighborhood transformer.
Tori Benson runs her own business at www.gigisconsignmentcloset.com and is a reviewer for www.smexybooks.com. She also freelances at www.rtbookreviews.com and www.heroesandheartbreakers.com. Follow her on twitter at https://twitter.com/smexys_sidekick though she is known to ramble aimlessly and tell inappropriate jokes.
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