Tori Is In The Holiday Spirit…NOT (Giveaway)


When Sophia asked me to guest post on Fiction Vixen for Christmas, I was surprised. I was pretty sure I had been permanently blacklisted from the last time I visited.

I’m sure many of you will be amazed to learn I am not a holiday inspired person. *gasp* I know right? Not to say I don’t decorate and put up a tree but the whole dragging out the glue gun and designing wreaths out of pine cones or making baby santas and reindeer out of tissue and gold glitter isn’t me. Frankly, Walmart does it better than I could ever accomplish.

See, I don’t have a crafty gene. I don’t even have a decorating gene, and I’m pretty sure my jolly gene is broke. I don’t see ornaments when I spy two sticks and a ball of twine. The thought of doing anything more complicated than making cookies from a tube of Pillsbury dough gives me the hives. When I head to the dollar store to buy wrapping paper and bows, I get confused by the choices. Prints, plaids, character paper? OMG-why do they make it so hard? And the Christmas card selections? Really? Do we need 1800 billion selections? Just how many ways can you say, “Merry Christmas?” Apparently, a lot. I’m seriously thinking of using for my Christams cards this year. I think this one says it best.
Whore Greeting

I’m not anti holiday but I find this time of year stressful. We spend 2 months of our lives trying to make one day the bestest day of the year. I find it incredibly tiring. The whole be nice to everyone drains me. Having to buy people presents who I really don’t like and never speak to during the year just pizzes me off. And don’t even get me started on retailers offering Halloween crap in August so they can start offering Christmas crap in September. :( I have a child and the sheer overwhelming Christmas toy commercials make me want to go hide in bed till January.

Now, my hubby is the opposite of me. He is is wayyyyyyyyyyyy more holiday involved. He actually LIKES Christmas music. He thinks wearing Santa hats in public is cute and fashionably acceptable. Christmas cards make him happy and Christmas cookies makes him squeeee. He strings up so many lights that he makes the National Lampoon’s Christmas look like an amateur attempt. If I would let him, below is what our house would look like every year.

Tacky decorations


He goes into Lowe’s or Walmart and it’s like he’s hypnotized by the selections. He lovingly caresses garland, gets teary eyed at gigantic blow up displays, and has even been asked to STOP pushing the buttons to make the musical ones keep playing. Lights mesmerize him and ornament selections can keep him entertained for hours. If it twinkles, spins, or lights up…he’s a sucker for it. Lucky for him (and our bank account) he has me to rein in his Christmas fantasies.

I know many are reading this and thinking, “Geesh Tori, you’re such a scrooge.” I’m not, really. I guess my points of contention are that;

1. People don’t HAVE to be crafty and such during the holidays. Some of us just want a tree, some store bought ornaments, and maybe a few blinking lights on the house. And that’s okay.

2. You shouldn’t have to take out a loan or spend all of the next year paying off Christmas.

So to all of you who are Christmas fanatics, I say, have at it. Go nuts. Me, I’m going to sit on my arse, wrap a few gifts in my plain red paper, send some e-cards, drink my heavily spiked cocoa, and hope like hell that my husband doesn’t blow the neighborhood transformer.

Tori Benson runs her own business at and is a reviewer for She also freelances at and Follow her on twitter at though she is known to ramble aimlessly and tell inappropriate jokes.

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  1. Rebe says

    This is so funny! I hear you about the Halloween decorations in August. I got a text from a friend that Walmart already had Valentine’s Day decorations up the other day!!! I just want a tree and a few presents and I’m happy.

  2. Trix says

    I sympathize…I’m one of those people who can’t function when a song she hates plays in a store, and it seems that all the shops had all the worst holiday music this year. Bad Muzak arrangements! Schmaltzy stuff! Ululating vocals! Squeaky-voiced young’uns trying too hard to be cute! Eek.

  3. miki says

    it’s true that i can be a stressing time and then you can be disappointed if things doesn’t work how you hoped.
    But i clearly doesn’t want to buy gift for people i don’t like or don’t care about ( i prefered to send some more RAK instead)
    and no need to spend to much money on decoration , my family use the same one each year and we are fine with that^^

  4. LSUReader says

    Well, of course, you’re right, for a variety of reasons. Christmas needn’t be so commercial. That’s not what it should be and many folks can’t afford for it to be about that. I do empathize with you over having a child in the house. You want little ones to believe in Santa, but as a parent you can’t possibly make all those wishes come true. You aren’t a scrooge, Tori. You’re just practical.

    P.S. When you use plain red paper for all your presents, it looks elegant. Oh–spiked eggnog is pretty good, too. Happy New Year.

  5. Jane says

    I can’t imagine the time, effort and money it takes to put up one of those elaborate holiday displays on your front yard.

  6. says

    We must have married brothers! I am a bit of a scrooge and hubs jumps into the holiday spirit wholeheartedly. I find Christmas difficult because I am compulsively neat and decorations etc add clutter and put me on edge. Sad but true.

  7. says

    Although I am a big Christmas-aholic, I completely agree with you Tori, that society and most people make this time too stressful for us to enjoy it and I’m 100% with you that people shouldn’t buy so many things to incur debts :-/ I love listening to Christmas music and reading holiday stories, and would love if Christmas was a couple weeks-long :-)

  8. says

    It was all I could do to keep my husband from buying the Graceland replica that played Elvis Christmas songs- not that it wasn’t awesome, but I’m just not sure the world needs a plastic Graceland. *shudder* Hadn’t heard of BluntCards- may have to send one to myself next year!

  9. EvelynS says

    I love looking at the elaborate displays but I don’t have the patience to put something like that together – or the creativity. 😛

  10. June M. says

    Really good post. I just can’t really get into the Christmas spirit anymore. I used to love finding the “perfect gifts” for my nieces & nephews but now the older ones are tweens & teens and would much rather just have cash, the little ones I never know what to get because they pretty much have every toy imaginable, get the latest kids movies when they release on DVD, etc. Way too much stress! Everyone else, no ideas. Then add to that the fact that right now, I don’t have any income of my own while I wait for my disability to get settled and it is hard for me to get into the holiday spirit.

  11. Victoria Zumbrum says

    Christmas is alot of running around and buying gifts. Everyone has forgot the true meaning of Christmas.

  12. JenM says

    Great post! I’ve got the best of both worlds. I get to enjoy all of the pretty decorations and I get time off work, but I don’t celebrate Christmas, so there is no pressure to actually do anything for the holiday.

  13. says

    So true. To each their own if they want to go nuts at Christmas. Not me though. Too much work! I guess I’ve never been one that really liked Christmas in the first place. Even more so since I’ve gotten older. Good post!

  14. Krista says

    Well, the only thing I actually collect are Disney ornaments, so I get pretty excited about putting up my tree every year. However, I try not to put too much stuff out because taking it all down is pure torture!

  15. Sandypo says

    I love seeing other people’s decorations and houses all lit up but I would never go to all that trouble. We have a fake tree (my husband is Christian and I’m Jewish) which is actually very pretty and we’ve collected so many ornaments over the years we no longer buy them, but I would be perfectly happy doing nothing at all as far as decorations…to me it’s just a lot of trouble. But it does look nice when it’s done.