“You, there. How do you ask a woman to dance?”
The blacksmith shrugged. “I don’t. I don’t dance.”
Finn’s hand shot up. “I know! I’ve heard Sally saying it to the mirror. ‘May I have the pleasure of this dance?’” He affected a flourish and a bow.
“Wrong,” Colin said. “All wrong.” He lifted his voice. “Every man, repeat after me. ‘I believe this dance is mine.’”
The men mumbled the words back at him.
Pathetic.
Colin drew out his double-barreled pistol, cocked it carefully, raised it level with his shoulder, and shot it into the air. The resounding crack caught the group’s attention. “Say it with conviction. ‘I believe this dance is mine.’”
The men cleared their throats and shuffled their feet, saying, “I believe this dance is mine.”
“Better. Try this. Your hair is a river of silk.” When he got only puzzled stares in return, he explained, “The first line gets her in your arms. If you’re going to woo a woman to your bed, you need a few more pretty words. Now repeat after me, damn it. ‘Your hair is a river of silk.’”
“‘Your hair is a river of silk,’” they echoed.
“Now we’re getting somewhere.” He paused, considering. “Now this one. ‘Your eyes sparkle like diamonds.’”
They repeated, with a bit more spirit this time.
“‘Your breasts are alabaster orbs.’”
“What?” Rufus objected. “That’s stupid. I’m not saying that.”
“Do you have some better suggestion?”
“Why can’t you just say she’s got a fair set of titties?”
Colin looked to Keane. “Vicar, cover your ears.”
The man actually did it.
Colin groaned. Leaping down from the crate, he approached Rufus. “Now listen, lad. You don’t go speaking speaking of titties. It’s crude. The ladies won’t like it. Not unless you’re well into the heat of things. Then, depending on the woman, she may like it well indeed. But when seduction is your aim, you can’t go wrong with alabaster orbs.”
“That’s all sorts of wrong, that is.” Thorne crossed his arms. “Alabaster’s cold and hard. Don’t know what kind of teats you’ve been suckling, but I like flesh-and-blood women myself. Don’t you have something better than that?”
“Of course I do. But I’m not wasting my best lines on you lot.”
About Catherine
I read this when it was released and loved it. Can’t wait for the rest of the series.
I can’t wait either!
This is a series I’ve heard great things about but have yet to read. That’s me, always behind.
lol. Better late than never.
The absolute BEST part of writing A Week to be Wicked was writing new “lines” for Colin.
thanks for posting this!
He was so funny. I have to ask, there was a line, when Colin was talking about taking back the village and being manly men, where he said:
Was that a nod at the Old Spice guy? Because that’s who I thought of and I died laughing.
Oh, yes. Totally an Old Spice Guy moment! Glad it made you laugh.
That’s awesome. I love little jokes like that.
Oh, yes. Totally an Old Spice Guy moment! Glad it made you laugh.
I’m intrigued!
The book was a lot of fun. I can’t wait to read the second.
Love your review (and tempting teaser) for this book and cannot wait to read it!!
So…when are you going to read it? You should bump it up the queue.