I read a lot of books. Every once in awhile I stumble across a really funny one. The Virgin Romance Novelist is one of those. I heard it was funny and since funny isn’t something I normally see, I grabbed a copy to find out what all the talk was about.
Rosie has been trying to write a romance novel and this is all she can come up with.
Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way down to her soft, yet wiry briar patch…
She has a problem. She is a virgin with no practical experience with sex so she has no basis on which to write something that sells in romance. Sex. She needs to have sex to write about sex. With the help of her two roommates, Delaney and Henry, she will get the experience she needs and write that novel.
As Rosie stumbles through the world of dating and sex she experiences every bad dating situation possible. From kicking her date in the junk to a mouth full of pubic hairs, Rosie can’t get it right.
“I’m a virgin,” I blurted out, knowing that was a giant red flag when it came to guys. “I’m a stage five clinger. If you poke me with that penis, I will want to marry you tomorrow. I actually already love you. I didn’t have to go to the bathroom, I was preparing my engagement speech to you, because I want to propose, and if we have sex, I guarantee you I will get pregnant, condom or not. My vagina eats condoms actually and my eggs are more than willing to pull your sperm into their sacs as hostages. We can make a baby today, just say the word. Marriage, babies, and I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Yup, pulled out all the stops.
She especially can’t get it right when she is being hounded and harassed by Henry. Henry is supposed to be a friend so why is he trying to push their relationship into a place where she is convince their friendship will not survive. He wants them to be intimate, them to be more than friends, he wants to be her first. Rosie has had a tiny crush on him for so long but is hesitant to take the steps that could possible damage what they have always had. Once those steps are taken, if something goes wrong, would they ever be able to get back to that precious friendship?
I laughed so hard during this book that there were times I had tears running down my face. The Virgin Romance Novelist has parts that are so ridiculous, they are beyond funny. I don’t get to read many books this funny. My husband kicked me out of bed when I couldn’t control the laughing and it ended up shaking him while he was trying to sleep.
This book would have been perfect, if not for two issues I really couldn’t get past. One, Rosie refers to her vagina as Virginia and Virginia flaps and claps. I might have cringed during those times. Plus nothing kills the mood more than so many Virginias flying around in the middle of the most important sex scene in the book. I really wanted it to stop.
Second, Henry isn’t that likable of a character. He screws so many girls all the while trying to convince Rosie she should sleep with him. And then a minor misunderstanding and he is back in bed with his ex. In front of Rosie! I loved this book as a journey for Rosie and to watch her new experiences but I wasn’t sure I loved it as a romance between Rosie and Henry.
Overall, I really enjoyed The Virgin Romance Novelist. The humor is fantastic and keep me engaged throughout. My issue were minor compared to how much I laughed. Overall grade- B.
“My clit, you tore my clit off…Captain Cunt Ripper. You’re a cunt ripper.”